Do Vampires Exist?

Different cultures from different parts of the world have their own version of vampire; Dracula in Eastern Europe, Jiang Shi in China, Pontianak in the Malay Archipelagos, and the most recent one, Al Chupacabra from South America.

Pontianak

Jiang Shi i.e zombie in China

Al Chupacabra

Blood is a taboo for most people. Some people faint at the sight of blood. Blood stains were considered evil by ancient Chinese and they despised the menstrual output of a woman. The Malays think that menstrual blood will attract evil spirits and thus the toilet is not an appropriate place to stay for long.

So who would want to consume blood at all?

Fictional vampires
The famous Count Dracula of Romania is widely considered to be the most popular vampires of all. He was a Count, a nobleman in Romania during the dark ages, and he sold his spirit to the Devil so that he could achieve immortality. But he needed constant input of blood for sustenance.


Alexander Corvinus was a Hungarian warlord from the dark ages. He had two sons, Marcus and William Corvinus, Marcus was bitten by a bat and became the first vampire, and William got bitten by a wolf, survived and became the first werewolf. It was said that the bubonic plague that wiped out one-third of the population of Europe at that time came into his place and killed everyone except Alexander himself. He was baffled by his own ability to survive the plague, not knowing that he was achieving immortality. And this immortality got passed down to both of his sons.



Historical "vampires"
Vlad the Impaler, nicknamed Vlad Dracula.


He was a Prince of Wallachia, and his favourite punishment was impalement. It was said that minor offences were also treated with impalement. There was a lady who had an affair got her breasts cut off and later skinned alive (Chinese also skinned people alive during the Qing Dynasty), and then was impaled at the centre of the square, with her skin on a table next to her pole.

Vlad's involvement in war also meant that he impaled a lot of soldiers. The mighty Ottoman army that wanted to have war with him withdrew their soldiers when they arrived at the bank of Wallachia because the soldiers were so terrified by thousands of corpses of their dead comrades on poles on the river bank.


The Blood Countess, Elizabeth Bathory was also from Hungary. After the death of her husband she involved in the torture and killing of young women, with one witness attributing to them over 600 victims.



Nobody knew why she was acting this way, though there were later writings claiming that she bathed in the blood of virgins in order to retain her youth.

True vampires
Non-fictional vampires aren't human and they aren't immortal. Blood is not a good source of food so it's a pity they have chosen blood as their sustenance. The primary function of blood is to transport oxygen and carbon dioxide in our body. Apart from that, it also transports toxin into our kidneys to be filtered, and transports nutrients to various part of the body. An average human have about 5 liters of blood.

And since blood is of such low quality, why would anyone make it as their primary source of food? The vampire bat for example, has to drink a lot of blood to survive.

For smaller animals, their relatively small metabolism enables them to thrive on blood. Besides, blood is an easy food source, every living being has blood.  And if we are to live on blood, we have to drink a bathtub full of blood everyday in order to survive.

Evolution does not allow human to thrive on blood alone. Enough said.


Malcolm

Eyjafjallajökull

Eyjafjallajökull(read AY-yah-fyah-lah-YOH-kuul), an Icelandic volcano, which has lied dormant for 200 years, has erupted, ripping a one km-long fissure in a field of ice on 20th March 2010.

Anyway the picture shows lightning, resulted from hot ashes ionizing the air...

The volcano near Eyjafjallajoekull glacier began to erupt just after midnight, sending lava a hundred metres high.

Taken from wiki:
"The plume of ash from a later ongoing eruption beginning on 14 April 2010 led to widespread disruption of air travel in Europe from 15 April, grounding planes and affecting the travel plans of millions of passengers worldwide. The aftermath of the 2010 Eyjafjallajökull eruptions adversely affected travel around the world."

Here we can see how volcanoes around the world can easily affect the lives of many. Perhaps one of the most popular stories about volcano is that it was responsible for the extinction of dinosaurs.



Well it was said that one of the bad volcanoes erupted and sent thousands of cubic meters of ashes onto the sky, and thus covering sunlight from reaching the surface of the earth. Plants couldn't undergo photosynthesis and died off, followed by the herbivores, and then the carnivores. Make sense.

Well I don't think that it is entirely true. There are also theories about asteroids that smashed into our planet and brought destruction to the dinosaurs.



These are the pictures of the crater in Arizona, created by a nickel-iron meteorite about 50 meters in diameter(olympic swimming pool length)that landed on our planet some 40,000 years back.

Another example of bad-ass-volcano is the Pinatubo Volcano of the Philippines

In June 1991, after more than four centuries of slumber, Pinatubo Volcano in the Philippines erupted so violently that more than 5 billion cubic meters of ash and pyroclastic debris(hot ashes, gas, and rocks, in case you don't know =P) were ejected from its fiery bowels producing eruption columns 18 kilometers wide at the base and heights reaching up to 30 kilometers above the volcano’s vent.

For months, the ejected volcanic materials remained suspended in the atmosphere where the winds dispersed them to envelope the earth, reaching as far as Russia and North America. This phenomenon caused the world’s temperature to fall by an average of 1 degree Celsius.

Next in line is Lake Toba in Indonesia, in Malay we call it Danau Toba.



It is not as innocent as it seems. Several thousand years ago (roughly 74000) it was actually an active volcano. If still active today, it would be considered as the MOST MASSIVE VOLCANO ever.


The Toba supereruption is recognized as one of Earth's largest known eruptions. The related catastrophe theory holds that this supervolcanic event plunged the planet into a 6 to 10 year volcanic winter, where volcanic ashes covered the earth and blocking sunlight, and thus reducing the temperature of the earth. This resulted in the world's human population being reduced to 10,000 or even a mere 1,000 breeding pairs.

There was evidence being discovered in virgin forests in India and the Greenland ice core, where researchers found clues of massive climate change during the time of the Toba Supereruption, which hint that the effect of the eruption went as far as India and Greenland~! impressive ashes...It is however, inactive today so we do not have to worry about another supermassive eruption. There are, however, other active volcanoes, though smaller, still pose potential threats to our lives. How, you may ask... you can simply run off cuz the lava flows slowly right... well the volcanic ash is the most dangerous element in a volcanic eruption. Toxic gas threatens the old and the young, especially those with asthma.

Have you ever heard of the ancient Italian city called Pompeii? It is the perfect example of volcano-destroyed-city. Pompeii was a large and thriving city that was destroyed along with Hercule....err... Herculaneum~ when a volcano named Mt. Vesuvius erupted in AD 79, killing many of the city's inhabitants and leaving behind a perfectly preserved example of ancient life in the Mediterranean.


This is a dog chained outside the house during the eruption. Completely covered by the hot ashes and died in plastered form.


Human inhaled the poisonous gases and burnt by the hot ashes.. died in plastered form


This is actually what they found during excavation, human covered by ashes..

One of the witness wrote that the cloud after a time rushing down the flanks of the mountain and covering everything around it, including the surrounding sea. This is known today as a pyroclastic flow, which is a cloud of superheated gas, ash and rock that erupts from a volcano.

Geologists have used the magnetic characteristics of over 200 volcanic rocks and pieces of debris found in Pompeii to estimate the temperature of this pyroclastic flow. Most of the materials analyzed experienced temperatures between 240 °C and 340 °C. This suggests that the ash cloud had a temperature of 850 °C when emerging from the mouth of Vesuvius, but had cooled to below 350 °C by the time it reached the city.

Nevertheless, volcanoes are part of an important cycle of nature. Islands around the world are results of underwater volcanoes that erupted, sending miles of lava that eventually emerges from the surface of the sea to form island.
Volcanoes are also responsible in keeping the temperature of our planet in check, just in case anthropogenic climate change sends our planet into a hot tub..

Anyway, the Toba, Arizona Crater, and the Pompeii stories are absorbed from national geographic channel(6-7 years ago), and the Iceland volcanic eruption is taken from http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/eu_iceland_volcano, also courtesy of wikipedia. Images are courtesy of NatGeo and wikimedia...
(Haven't quote the source for several entries... Don't sue me~!)


Malcolm

Examination

Normal people: I wanna die already

Lazy people: why do I have only 24 hours a day?

Retarded people: har? now is exam week arh??

Ah beng: study wat study? study your C*** J***I la~!




mathematician: my thinking is becoming sinusoidal waveform

geologist: my brain experiences large seismic tremor

software engineer: my brain is incompatible with this piece of shit

economist: my brain becomes a stochastic model

accountant: my memory has overdrafted

engineer: my brain is working up its efficiency

chemist: my brain is saturated

biologist: my hormones are becoming imbalanced

physicist: my brain is spinning and vibrating


I guess apart from the first 4, all the other humors could only be understood by the respective professionals

prepared by~

Malcolm

Leeches

I saw an article regarding this bloodsucking parasite, and thus decided to write about it. Alright this is going to be a really disgusting post for some people, so reader discretion is advised =P

There are freshwater, terrestrial, and marine leeches, meaning, we cannot escape from this vampire. Like earthworms, leeches are hermaphrodites (an animal or plant that has reproductive organs normally associated with both male and female sexes). Some, but not all, leeches are hematophagous, meaning having a strong taste for blood.

Our race has coexisted with this parasite for ages. Now that we have moved away from the jungle, they followed us to dwell in our drainage system, man-made lakes and artificial forest. It's a common sight to see a leech slowly making its way in the drain sometimes, feeding on unwary dogs and cats that pass by. This creature even found its way into the hospital now, where doctors utilize its blooding sucking ability to withdraw clotted or contaminated blood from patients. Leech produces a special enzyme when it bites, which prevents blood from clotting, and thus it can suck on continuously until it is full. A string-thin leech would feed furiously until becoming as thick as our thumb.

Once latched onto its victim, a leech will not release its bite easily. One recommended method of removal is using a fingernail to break the seal of the oral sucker at the anterior end of the leech, repeating with the posterior end, then flicking the leech away. As the fingernail is pushed along the person's skin against the leech, the suction of sucker's seal is broken, at which point the leech should detach its jaws.

A common but medically inadvisable technique to remove a leech is to apply a flame, a lit cigarette, salt, soap, or a caustic chemical such as alcohol, vinegar, lemon juice, insect repellent, heat rub, or certain carbonated drinks. These cause the leech to regurgitate its stomach contents into the wound and quickly detach. However, the vomit may carry disease, and thus increase the risk of infection.

Simply pulling a leech off by grasping it can also cause regurgitation, and adds risks of further tearing the wound, and leaving parts of the leech's jaw in the wound, which can also increase the risk of infection.

An externally attached leech will detach and fall off on its own when it is satiated on blood, usually in about 20 minutes (but will stay there for as long as it can).Internal attachments, such as nasal passage or vaginal attachments, are more likely to require medical intervention.

There are several cases of internal attachment happening in remote areas of the world. Three years ago, a nine-year-old girl was admitted to La Merced hospital in Peru with a headache that had lasted for two weeks and a strange “sliding sensation” in her nose. Her parents quickly discovered the source of the problem – a sizeable black worm lodged up her right nostril. They quickly sought medical help and it came in the form of Dr Renzo Arauco-Brown, who removed a seven-centimetre leech from the girl’s nose.

Soon, there are two new cases being reported. Both had been removed from the nostrils of young boys in 1997. Like the most recent case, these children had also been bathing in local lakes and streams, which is almost certainly how they picked up their vampire.

While most leeches are found on the skin, some also specializes in feeding on mucous membranes, such as those found in the nose, eye, vagina, anus and urethra. click here if you're not easily intimidated~ and a more disgusting one

As you can see, this animal will try anything in order to feed on our blood. And so, medical practitioners have come up with a way to satisfy the leeches' need, while clearing ailment off the patients. The use of leeches in medicine dates as far back as 2,500 years ago when they were used for bloodletting in ancient Egypt. All ancient civilizations practiced bloodletting including Indian and Greek civilizations. Hence, medical practitioners today have a strong reason to use this ancient method to cure sicknesses, but not for me please~ I still prefer the conventional injection-medicine method~~~~

This creature is simply not my cup of tea~


Malcolm

10 Commandments of College

I- Thou Shalt Nap
And God gave unto Student a great gift, the gift of napping. God said to him, You shall spend half your day napping. You shall nap in class, in your room and in your friend's room. And God said, if you don't nap, you will not be able to stay up all night drinking. And Student said, Nap I shall, and it was good.

II- Thou Shalt Get Sick All the Time
Now God said to Student, you must be sick all of the time. And student said why. And God said unto him, you shall share drinks, stay up too late, drink too much and make out with people you don't know. Therefore, God said, you shall be sick all year round. But God said, blessed are the sick for they have partied the hardest. And it was good.

III- Thou Shalt Write Witty Away Messages
Student asked, but God, how will I show everyone that I am funny? And God said unto him, thou shall write witty away messages. God said to student, you shall never just say you are in the shower, you shall say you are getting wet and wild...in the shower. You shall never say you are at class, you shall say you are sleeping...in class. God said, if you do not write witty away messages, I shall smite you. Blessed are the funny, for they will get many girls to be their friends but never hook up with them. And it was good.

IV- Thou Shalt Wear a Hoodie
And then Student asked God, God how do I look like a college kid. And God said unto student, you must wear a hoodie, for it is a useful garment. And you shall never wash it either. Student asked God what kind of Hoodie should it be and God said, you shall own one with your school's logo on it and you shall own many others of varying colors and creeds. And Student was pleased and God was pleased.

V- Thou Shalt Shit a Lot
And Student asked of his bathroom habit and God told him, Student, you shall eat in the Cafeteria and you shall shit a lot. And it will not be good shit, it will be the shit of the devil for your ass shall burn for hours. Your school shall put laxatives in their food and you shall feel their pain. And Student began to weep, and God said unto him, Student, fear not the shit, for all your fellow students will be experiencing the same. And Student dried his eyes and thanked God and God told him to use wet naps to ease the pain.

VI- Thou Shalt Eat EasyMac
Student asked unto God if there was any alternatives to the cafeteria, and God said to him, you shall eat a lot of EasyMac. It is easy to make and you don't need milk or a stove. And student said microwaves were forbidden by the RA. And God said to him, you shall hide the microwave under your bed with a towel on top. And Student asked, what if it is discovered. And God told him to stop being such a pussy, and it was good.

VII- Thou Shalt Hook Up
Student then asked of sex. And God said, Student, you shall hook up and be happy. You shall go home with random people every weekend and forget about them the next day. You shall see them at class and be awkward amongst their company. You shall exchange saliva at bars and parties and it will be good. And Student became gleeful and God told Student to wrap it up because He knows where she has been, but Student does not.

VIII- Thou Shalt Join a Club and Never Go to Meetings
Student inquired of his spare time and God reminded him that he should be napping. But Student said he wanted to do other things. So God said unto him, you shall join a club at the beginning of the semester, but then never go to meetings. And Student asked why he should not go to meetings, and God told him, because the glee club is gay. And Student understood His wisdom.

IX- Thou Shalt Wake Up Confused
God said to Student, there will come many a day when you shall wake up in the bed of another and not know where you are. You will not remember what you did last night and you shall be confused. You will see that you have nipple rings and a tattoo now and are covered in Sharpie. And Student was disturbed by this, but God said, you shall tell great stories about it to your friends someday. And Student understood and God took a sip of a beer.

And God gave Student the final Commandment

X- Thou Shalt Gain Weight
And Student wished to hear the final commandment and God said he would not like it. But Student insisted, so God said unto him, you shall gain weight. However, God said, you will not buy new clothes, so you will wear sweat pants a lot. God said, Student, you will watch a lot of TV and become fat to which Student wept profusely. But God comforted Student saying, you will still get ass even if you cannot tie your shoes anymore. Student felt better and God pointed to Student's chest saying, those will soon be bitch tits. And it was good.

This is the word of God, follow the Ten Commandments of College or you will be smote!

by Streeter Seidell on collegehumor.com