搞笑日报-女先知预言明年将是2011年。

（獨家報導：曹大达／蕾小晓‧吉隆坡30日訊）一位著名女先知声称明年将会是2011年。

曾经在2010年世界杯准确预测所有比赛成绩的洪豆彬女士前天于其豪宅向在场的记者表示说她前晚梦见到她去世了的表姑肯定的向她说2011年即将于2010年结束的那一刹那开始。

洪豆彬女士是一位知名女先知。 图：搞笑日报

“我的梦非常的清晰，就像真的一样。我的表姑在世时也是一位著名的女先知。所以我敢肯定的向大众发表这个消息。她不止预言明年将会是2011年，她还明确的预测说2011年将会在一月一日凌晨十二时降临！”

她笑称许多人以为2011年将会在三年后发生，但是事实上2011年将会比人们所预测的来得早。

“相信我，你就不会后悔！你们要准备迎接新年的来临！快去买新衣，新裤，还得为孩子们买新书包，用具，因为新学期也即将开始了！”

“还有，别忘了买新日记啊！”

图：搞笑日报

洪豆彬女士接受搞笑日報專訪時，也針對大馬人民对预言的不信任作出以下呼吁。

“你们不信我就会后悔的。2008年大马政治海啸，麦克杰孙的死，甚至1997年的经济风暴都被我说中了。”

“我和我表姑一样，都是被神灵拣选的先知。我表姑当年警告铁塔尼号的乘客不要乘搭那艘船，可是没有人理她。结果呢？尊贵的生命就白白的被大海吞了。”

洪豆彬女士激动的发表言论时突然闭上眼睛，然后向记者们披露另一项消息。

“我。。能感受到。。2011年发生后三百六十五天就会有2012年的降临！”

“2012年！三百六十五天！看到其关联性了吗？如果我没告诉你们，你们有谁能准确地告诉我这些东西？” 她激动地问惊讶的记者们。

当被记者问到2011年会给大马带来什么惊喜，她坦言大马经济条件不错，照理应该会慢慢的复苏。

“那些还在找爱人的，将会找到生命的真爱，前提是有找到爱人。还有，今天在场的都能活到2012年，前提是大家都没在2011年死亡。



Malcolm

New Year's Eve-Time for New Year's Resolution

Today is the last day for the year 2010.
I woke up at 8am, and right now am sipping away my morning coffee after having my breakfast. Ah... I see trees of green, red roses too...*What a wonderful world~~*

And again, the idea of writing one final piece of shit before entering the year 2011 came to my mind. So I opened the web and to my surprise the Facebook community has yet to wake up from its daily hibernation. Ah... great, so no one's gonna pop up a chat while I'm busy typing away.

Image: rearrange-inc.com

Again, the same question that I forwarded last year: Why make such a fuss over the changing of time from 11:59pm to 12:00am tonight? Does it not happen like, EVERYDAY? The fact that I've been to a New Year Countdown party before just made me fuming over the idea over and over again. The daily switch of time may not be an interesting event per se, many people tend to exaggerate the importance of the final day of the year, for some, to the extend of buying new clothes to be worn on this final day, to go out with friends and come back drunk, or.. for the adventurous bunch, gang fight.

Image: sociallysuperlative.com

For those of you believing in 2012, you have only 1 year left to enjoy your life. So go out there and breed like rabbit. To be fair, that shit ain't gon happen anyway. Too many scientific errors within the movie itself and yet there are so many people out there believing in the fictitious and not proper science. This is the power of Hollywood, making the supernatural looks natural, and misusing the name of science-everyone now thinks that 2012 is backed up by strong scientific evidence.

If that is the case, we should start talking to our cars, in case it's a Transformer in disguise.

Argue all you want, fellas. I know there is a video featuring a prominent professor from Taiwan telling people that 2012 MIGHT be real. Well he's not entirely wrong when he says that the past decade has been the most hazard-laden time in the history of humanity. But he is definitely wrong when he says that the activity of sunspot PEAKS in the year 2012. Check the butterfly diagram, it peaks in the year 2013.

And to be honest, there are some prominent scientists who share a similar thought, so I'm pretty confident that 2012 is another pile of junk like the Y2K bug~ Even the Y2K was more convincing than 2012.

Alright, enough of bitterness, now to brighter side of life.

A recap of last year's NYR;

1) study well =)
2) save more money (triple the amount I have now)
3) control my ego
4) be a lovely son
5) kill more ants
6) attend UM convocation 

Um... Yep I've been calling my parents more often now, and study wise it's all OK. Financial wise, it's not really looking good since I've moved out of campus since July and the monthly rental is kinda hefty especially I'm living in a room of my own.

Sharing the room with myself makes the room kinda congested

But let's be more adventurous this year.

1) Learn a new language, maybe German(or Spanish or Italian)
2) Visit a foreign country and at least 4 Malaysian states (other than Selangor, Melaka, and Sarawak)
3) UM Convocation
4) Get a pair of new spectacles (finally)
5) Get a new phone
6) More pitch football than futsal.(I have to pay for futsal but not football)
7) Move to a new house.
8) 62kg!!!!

Doesn't look easy huh~? That's why we call it New Year's Resolution =)



Malcolm

Do Female Animals have Periods?

A friend of mine forwarded this question at me few years back. I dismissed it hastily without actually giving it a thought, and yesterday while I was caressing my house cat it popped up on my mind.

Humans are mammals, humans breastfeed their children just like any other mammals. We give birth to live offspring, we have hair on our body, etc etc. But the phenomenon of female humans discarding blood every month seems unique to Homo Sapiens alone. Or is it? If it is unique to humans only, why?

Parody-Liverpool Bought by Kampung Nangka

SIBU, SARAWAK-Liverpool FC has yesterday afternoon been sold to villagers of Kampung Nangka, a small village in Sarawak after failed attempts by previous owners John W Henry's New England Sports Ventures (NESV) to revive the winning trend.

Image: top-footballer.com

The Merseyside team faced an uncertain future after takeover by ex American owner Tom Hicks and George Gillett. There has been another takeover then, which was done by John W Henry's New England Sports Ventures (NESV). With over half a billion pounds needed to build a new stadium restroom and a club restaurant, the team was heading for financial doom.

To make matter worse, Joe Kol and other fringe players, who have been sitting on fat contract aren't willing to move on to other clubs despite limited playing time.

Liverpool FC chairman Martin Broughton, who broke down after the deal, said he was "extremely delighted" to "successfully conclude the sale process which has been thorough, laborious and extensive.

"The board decided to accept Kampung Nangka's offer on the basis that it is buying Liverpool in order to put it on an excellent financial footing and continue to develop it internationally.

"This is a good deal which comprehensively resolves the pressing issue of the club's debt and should give staff, players and fans great confidence regarding the future of Liverpool FC."

Liverpool Manager Roy Hogson expressed his relief at the news, saying that it was ‘a very good day for the club and the folks of Kampung Nangka.

“Well it’s about bloody time, ain’t it?” said Hogson. “I mean, here we were, a massive club with incredibly talented manager like me, not knowing whether we'll be able to perform well this year,” he said.

“I sure am glad for those fine people up in Sarawak. God bless the village of Kampung Nangka.”

The village chief, Haji Tok Samad, when met, said that it has always been the village people’s dream of owning the legendary football team, and that dream came true after their farms had a good harvest this year.

Pak Ali, a neighbor of Haji Samad shows us the Pisang Nangka in his kebun.
Image: pakcikkebunpisang.blogspot.com

"Alhamdulillah, we finally got to do it. But it's too early to say what we're going to do but we're here to win, we have a tradition of winning - We(the villagers of Kampung Nangka) are the greatest fan LFC has ever had, and we will do whatever is necessary.

“The kampung folk had been footballing with everything — footballs, basketballs and even buah jambu — to satisfy our football needs.”

Haji Tok Samad said that the purchase decision was made after a meeting at the Balai Raya. “We calculated our profit we got from the harvest, and decided that this was the perfect time.”

Samad revealed that the proposal to buy Liverpool FC initially had faced criticism from some quarters in the village.

“Some of the people were against the plan at first, preferring to put the money into buying Manchester United from the Glazers instead.

“We, the village council, understood their concern and had explained to them that this is the decision made based on the tradition of our village - our datuk-datuks has always been the supporters of Liverpool FC so we as the younger generation ought to fulfill their dreams.

“They were not convinced. But what turned them around were these,” said Samad, laughing while showing a stack of season tickets and showroom passes for every match in the 2010/2011 calendar.

The new owners were confident of their Premier League chances this season.

“The team now has all of us at Kampung Nangka praying and willing for their success before each match. The kampung’s spirit will roar along with every kick of the ball. Despite hovering at 9th place as of 26 Dec 2010, I believe we will be able to climb up the ranks and grab the title by May.

“Get ready to eat shit, Manchester United and Arsenal. Oh, and Chelsea too.”


Malcolm
p/s: this is a fake news. As a Manchester United fan, this is my wish for Christmas 2010. XD

Lionel Messi Is Not Good Enough For Stoke City & Barcelona Would Struggle In England

Thus says top EPL journalist Andy Gray

As Stuart Pierce puts it, the EPL is ludicrously physical, so it's safe to say that English play football the brutal way (i.e the uncivilized way?), whilst Spanish play it the Ballet way (with the exception of Arsenal and Manchester United).

Microsoft Certification Exam & DaYao theme song 2010/2011

Fuh finally free to blog again.

I was busy during the past few days because I was preparing for a Microsoft Certification exam. The exam was held yesterday in UM, and of course I passed~ :-) (passing score:700/1000) now stop looking at me with that surprise look.

I took up Office Project 2007 module, and it was fun learning all the features of Project 2007. The fees are already paid for by the government (RM1300 ++) so it's free for us students to take the course. It's a shame most of us do not use this useful tool when handling projects in campus-it's convenient and quite useful really, I'll definitely use it next time at work. =)

But the exam wasn't easy. I studied until late night the day before yesterday and woke up early the next morning to revise again. And the day before yesterday was the Winter Solstice celebration for us Chinese, and being away from my family meant that I didn't get to eat the Tang Yuan-and I got emotional for a while over the matter-but eventually the thought of failing the exam the following morning got the better of me.

The test was conducted by Prometric(the same organization that conducts GRE test) and hell the procedure was so troublesome. The most scary thing is that the results will be revealed straight away after u click finish. I got into some trouble with the computer but luckily I managed to pass the test before the connection terminated.

By the way, after coming back from Malacca everyone is like so emotional about the camp. So I took some time off to arrange the theme song and compiled pictures of the camp.

Just to share:

Btw if you like the song, it's composed by the Chinese Music Composing Unit of University of Malaya-Yao Lan Shou as the theme song for Dayao 2010/2011.



Malcolm

When Criticism Meets Controversy

An episode of Top Gear featuring the destrution of Malaysian manufactured car, Perodua Kelisa by the host Jeremy Clarkson is currently circulating on facebook.

Meet Jeremy Clarkson, the host of Top Gear. Image: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Jeremy_Clarkson.jpg.

Jeremy Clarkson thrives on notoriety, but even he must be wondering at the rate at which he is acquiring enemies. Not a week goes by without somebody - or some group - denouncing him. They may just be guilty of rising to the bait, but the car-loving controversialist now stands accused like no other public figure - unwittingly (or perhaps not) of uniting an unlikely alliance of Clarkson-detesters: Members of Parliament, Piers Morgan, rural protectionists, animal-lovers, style-watchers, cyclists, inhabitants of Norfolk and many others. - the independent.

Premature Ejaculation is Good. Wait A Minute...What?

The title seems odd. Well, it ain't that bad you know, at least from an evolutionary theoretical perspective. Alright I'll try to make this entry as humorous as possible so that you won't look at me as a jerk full of sordid imagination.

完美男人

女人找男朋友不容易

帅的，没钱

又帅又有钱，不聪明

又帅又有钱又聪明，没才华

又帅又有钱又聪明又有才华，不是运动型

又帅又有钱又聪明又有才华又是运动型，没身高

又帅又有钱又聪明又有才华又是运动型又有身高，有不良习惯

又帅又有钱又聪明又有才华又是运动型又有身高无不良习惯，不老实

又帅又有钱又聪明又有才华又是运动型又有身高无不良习惯又老实，很大男人

又帅又有钱又聪明又有才华又是运动型又有身高无不良习惯又老实又不大男人，家庭背景不好

又帅又有钱又聪明又有才华又是运动型又有身高无不良习惯又老实又不大男人又来自美好家庭，宗教不同

又帅又有钱又聪明又有才华又是运动型又有身高无不良习惯又老实又不大男人又来自美好家庭又有相同宗教，有遗传病

又帅又有钱又聪明又有才华又是运动型又有身高无不良习惯又老实又不大男人又来自美好家庭又有相同宗教又没遗传病，是同性恋。。。

笑一笑~日子更美好~

Image: moufies.com

Malcolm

Backpack: Malacca Day 3

I woke up at 730am, packed up and off I went to Melaka Sentral with my backpack. I chose the shortest route, walked and reached Melaka Sentral an hour later. It was 9:37am.
I stored my backpack with the luggage storage service (RM2.00) and off to have breakfast.

McD breakfast, never fail to satisfy

Took the bus to Ayer Keroh, roughly 13 km from Melaka town. The journey took 30 minutes and RM 2.60. The entrance fee for the Zoo is only  RM7.00, compared to RM23.00 for Zoo Negara.

The Wise One chooseth to sleep through the day.

Cute lil creature in its mother's arms.

Mandarin Duck

This ignorant uncle tries to grab aunties' attention by showing his boldness towards the monkey. "Nothing to be afraid of la." ya right~ if it bites then u'll blame the authority for not locking it up-you're always right, and BRAVE (pui!!!)

Black Panther

There are four tigers in Zoo Melaka. There are only two in Zoo Negara. Tigers here are much healthier (brighter coloration, smoother and cleaner skin)

There is only one lion, though, compared to a male and a female in Zoo Negara. 

Gibbon drinking.

Spider Monkey. Look at the way it hangs itself using its long tail.

Beautiful, beautiful primate-the Mandrill. 

A female chimp. There's a boy there throwing bananas into the enclosure and soon the chimps came and gestured to have more. 

Asian elephant

Wow, impressive~

On my way back to Melaka Sentral, there were a bunch of kids riding bicycle dangerously on the road. They're the future rempits of our land-and possible the next MP.

Visited YLS camp in the evening and had fun capturing funny pictures with Jo, Cher Wei and Wei Jie. 

The musicians and singers were having some problem with the sound check cuz the uncle thought he's better than all of us.
I helped as much as I could, but by 7pm I had to go to the station to catch the 8pm bus. By the time I reached home it was already 11:40pm.

But it's the best vacation ever, really. Nothing bothered me along the way, and I got to go where I wanted to go, and if I couldn't make it there's no regret whatsoever-now that's what I call the spirit of backpacking. I spent, I walked, and I could do whatever I wanted-tried new food, ventured to new places, saw new things, new experience.

Next stop: Penang~!



Malcolm

Backpack: Malacca Day 2

I woke up at 730am, and it was raining outside.

I went for breakfast at 8am, but most of the shops were closed.

So I went to the coffee shop outside Jonker and had chicken rice as breakfast. The round thingy is chicken rice ball.

Christ Church Melaka. Then I went to the Stadhuys Museum.

I remember Jack Sparrow had this. 

I came out of the museum and saw SPR booth so I went registered as voter ^.^

Inside Cheng Ho Cultural Museum. There was no one else inside so I SS-ed a bit =P 

Tomb of Hang Jebat.

Hang Kasturi's tomb.

What the fuck? The light is still on during daytime?

A Famosa

Malacca Sultanate Palaca-Awesome~ Not a single nail is used in the construction of this palaca. And... they call the royal chamber as "Bilik Beradu Sultan"  XD

Tombstone of Sultan Mansur Syah. 

Had mango cendol for lunch

A modest-looking meal compared to exorbitant dinner yesterday

Then I visited the Toy Museum. Look at all those Transformersssss!!

Camaro

Then I visited the Dayao members at Pay Fong High School.

The rest of the day was spent resting, and at night I went another round of lamb chop and ice cream and orange juice(somebody say WOAHH).
This is by far the best vacation I have had in my entire life-satisfaction beyond expectation..

I've always worried about overspending during vacation, but a friend told me that thinking about money during vacation causes us to lose our appetite for adventure, and you're actually spending money to have something unpleasant-might as well stay at home and secure your money in the bank forever.

Nicely said~ so I didn't bother spending more this time around, and I'm reaping the reward! hehehe I love backpacking alone~~



Malcolm