Friday, April 22, 2011

Parody-ANGKASA Baffled by Failure of Straw Shuttle

KUALA LUMPUR — Officials from National Space Agency Malaysia (ANGKASA) watched in horror on Monday as the RM 70 million straw space shuttle, Pencari 1, burst into flames moments after liftoff from Subang International Airport.
Straw spacecraft bursts into flame. Image:
All astronauts were killed instantly, despite their protective all-straw space suits. The fire spread to the straw-made launching pad and destroyed it as well. Officials were stunned by the failure, which recorded a flawless six-month pre-launch test period.

"It came as a complete shock." said ANGKASA Chief Engineer Abdul Rahim. "We didn't expect the ship to catch fire. The whole bulk was really light. The straw ship was dry, light-weight and well-bailed enough to break the earth's orbit, but inexplicably burst into flames when ignited with 3,000 gallons of rocket fuel. Oh this is so disappointing!"

The material used to build the ship was purchased from cow farms in Kelantan, and it was chosen for its light-weight and its lavender smell.
ANGKASA worker collecting straw. Image:
"It was nice and crisp and dry," Rahim said. "It should be able to escape from the earth's gravitational pull within seconds."

Rumor has it that the quality of the hand-woven straw didn't meet the high demand of space exploration. This was, however, denied by Rahim.

"We are still trying to figure out the reason why it suddenly burst into flames," he said. "So I urge the media to stop speculating further."

Rahim's compatriot, Mohd. Rosli Syed agrees.

"The ship didn't explode prior to ignition, but as soon as we ignited the fuel, it exploded. Why?"

Although some reports indicate goats wandering from nearby farms may have munched away the ship's exterior cables, ANGKASA scientists maintain that there was never a problem with goats.

Despite the setback, ANGKASA will continue with its plan to launch Pencari 2 by the end of 2012.

"The mission this time, is to head for the sun." Mohd. Rosli said enthusiastically. "It will be the first spacecraft to land on a star. We'll surpass the achievement made by the US and Russia by then."

"We hope to bring back some Helium gas and study sun rock," He continued.

"Pencari 2 is equipped with a special reinforced-wicker basket to hold the sun lava for its journey back to Earth. A straw-enforced robot arm was constructed to scoop the lava and place it into the wicker basket."
ANGKASA straw reserve. Image:
"It will be unacceptable if the mission fails again. I will order it to be repacked and reinforced further by using dryer, crispier straw as soon as possible."


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